I’m starting to lose the heat from my shower and it’s cold. I need to refill my water bottle

I can’t. Ok. I actually can’t verbalise it right now.
It’s interesting that I linked it to twilight considering my issues with breaking dawn that I tried to explain to a therapist at the time and she didn’t understand
It’s the exact same thing now
It makes me feel isolated and misunderstood and I don’t really understand what else. It clogs my thoughts and I can’t think of anything else. I’ve been on the floor of the shower for about an hour. I couldn’t move or do anything. This emotional state is paralysing. I wish I could understand why
The thing is I genuinely love them. I love the dynamic I love the way it made me feel when I was watching it. It’s not until I was exposed to other peoples reactions to it that I began to feel this way. It’s the overwhelming feeling that everyone is wrong and I’m the only one that sees it. I feel ill. I want to cry and scream and get black out drunk and sleep and not think and tear my skin off or cut into it like that might make me feel better it might make this feeling leave or maybe I can feel nothing at all
This is terrible. And I’ve felt this way before
I just want to be done with this emotion and move on