(no subject)

[lemonadetrees]

I treated the last Friday he was on late shift like it was goodbye and I’ve been acting like it was ever since.

I shoved all my emotions down and blocked them off because that felt like the only way could deal with it. I cut off, like I did when Ms Hall got pregnant and was going to leave and I stopped contributing in our class. I cut off like I did when dad went to Thailand for I think the first time and I stopped talking to him about anything of importance because he was going away and I felt like there was no point? Or i didn’t want to burden him? When people leave I cut them off. The boy hasn’t left and nothing has actually changed, but my heart and body haven’t gotten that memo. I reacted like he was gone and like he said goodbye, and now all those emotions are gone and I feel barely anything towards him. And this should be fine this should be great. But it feels like such a waste. I feel like there was so much potential to be something